Monday, October 20, 2008

Nervous Breakdown

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. (Richard Carlson)
  • I discovered that I have a dairy AND almond allergy. After suffering through three months of itchtastic hives and steroids, I find out that I cannot eat two foods that are in most mainstream products. There is ALMOND EXTRACT in many shampoos, for God's sake. So then my allergist, lovely man that he is, puts me on a forcefield blocking amount of antihistamines. I'm on so many antihistamines that I feel like I'm exhausted, and I'm so exhausted that I'm practically an insomniac. And they don't even work all the time. Sometimes, for no reason at all, I get hives! How 'bout them apples?!
  • I moved out of an apartment that was literally leaking into the apartment below me via the shower stall, fought with the landlords in order to get my deposit back, only to move into a new place that I'll have to leave approximately two months after moving in. The reason why gets its own bullet point.
  • Three sinus infections, in quick succession. Two rounds of joint-ache inducing anti-biotics. Headaches. OH, the headaches. And my teeth. I felt like I needed to keep a net covering my face because at any moment my teeth could shoot out of my head in forceful obstinance to the pressure created by my useless sinuses. I had to cancel on my hair stylist twice. She thought "sinus infection" was code for "rehab".
  • A friend of mine, whom I've known for close to four years (according to my calculations), decides that not only is she going to break the lease and move out of the apartment after living there with us for six weeks, but that she's going to give us misinformation as to how the leasing office plans to charge us, LIES to us about the reasons why she's electing to leave, fails to even clue us into her interest in leaving for over THREE weeks and proceeds to cut me out of her life completely. As it turns out, if you live with me I will control your life. Like a mother or like a significant other. In this case, she behaved so badly that I took away her "remote privileges". Are you kidding me?! I would've sold you the television, the remote, the cable box, two DVD players and my first born for less than this lease breaking buyout, you putz. I would've even baked you a pie a week for the next 25 years.
  • Oh, the hives reappeared! Must be the stress. It's always fun to itch the palms of your hands.
  • We packed up our entire apartment last week. Yes, every last thing. We drove out to the truck rental place, picked up our shiny moving truck, headed out and my gut twisted. I called the movers, because I figured that would've been the biggest wrench thrown into the day. HA. I love my gut. The assholes canceled. Family disagreement in a family owned and operated business. NOTE TO Y'ALL: Don't work with your family if you want me to hire you.
  • Endless amounts of anxiety and worry about my parents and the stock market. And just my parents. Because they live mostly across the country and given my luck, the plane I take to fly out there to check on them will land in a cornfield in Nebraska and I'll be abducted by aliens.
I'm 29 years old. I was a blessed child, having everything I needed and more. I didn't really have to worry about anything, save for the standard unexpected things like grandparental deaths, illness, injury and the occasional fight with my parents. In hindsight, I feel like things were pretty much normal. And even as a young adult, skating breezily through my twenties, I feel like things were mostly simple. Yes, there were tedious and emotionally injurious relationships and friendships, financial missteps and massive blunders, and a certain degree of intellectual and emotional aloofness that probably served me best as a defensive mechanism. I worked, I slept, I partied and tried to enjoy life.

At this point, though, I feel more settled down than I have in close to ten years. And naturally, the minute I SETTLE DOWN, all the crap that could stir up, well, stirs up. I feel like over the course of the past six months, there has been a litany of random and completely jarring smack-me-across-the-face nonsense that's happened. And like any person who finds God, Suze Orman, or some sort of secular life coach, you would think that once I calm down and start planning and living a life congruent with my means and my bodily limitations, that life would be just fine too. That the penance of my crappy choices in young adulthood were paid by my body and mind THEN, and there would be no aftershocks resonating into the next stage of my life.

Ha. Ha ha ha. HA HA HA.

I mean, this could all be a matter of perspective. I could just not be seeing, retroactively, how these things could or should benefit me. Or perhaps, I am particularly unskilled at the gentle nudges of life's foreshadowing. I studied that nonsense in high school and college. I know what literary foreshadowing is like nobody's business! But when life hands me a juicer and then a few months later the lemons get pelted at my head, I feel like my cognitive misfirings leave me completely unaware of how to make the freakin' lemonade.

1 comment:

  1. when life gives you a juicer you shove any lease-breakers head into it and press the start button...



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